Kiss the Dead Prime –

I know that my compulsion to hate read these books is far perverted than anything Anita ever gets up to in this series, but there it is I almost feel that I am performing a service for those of you who have had the strength to stop reading the books themselves, yet may feel the danger of back sliding just to see what is up in the lives of Anita and her horde of vaginal slaves The answer is nothing Nothing is up that remotely matters or makes sense I m not going to mark anything in here as a spoiler, because I don t even know what that means in the context of these books any However, if the fact that I am going to quote parts of the book and that those parts of the book may reveal some of the things that happen in the book will upset you, stop reading now You have no one but yourself to blame if you continue Likewise, I guess I should add that if crimes against the profession of editing, the English language, and the Aristotelian Unities upset you, you should also consider yourself warned, because what follows must necessarily be very disturbing, indeed.Let s first give credit where credit is duethe first half of the book takes place outside of Anita s bedroom, with her doing her job The Marshall job, anyway There s a throwaway reference to Animator s, Inc., at one point, mostly to just say that she s never there any Remember how that used to be a thing in this series But not any This time, Anita is helping break up a hostage situation involving a bunch of vamps who appear to be members of the Undead Tea Party, being composed primarily of old people and near children who were too young to know what they were doing when they changed over, and only want to yell FREEDOM at everyone else This is not really all that important, actually I mean, they provide the background for some of the Dramatic Events in the story that cause Anita to have to kick ass and talk about her weapons and her height and how strong she is like always, but that s it Consider them not really all that material to the story We DO get to walk into the building where they are holed up, though, and get one of those glorious paragraphs where Hamilton tries to get all deep and descriptive, and ends up making no kind of sense whatsoever To wit The room looked like a set for a slasher flick, with dirty walls pale paint that might have started as white had flaked away from the bricks, so that the paint debris lay at the base of the walls as if something big had clawed at the walls The question was, had it been clawing to get in, or get out First of all, no, that is not the question Nothing was clawing, in or out It s just some paint flecks Also, if there HAD been clawing, the fact that all of the paint flecks are on the floor inside the building would be a significant clue that the clawing was coming from inside the building as well I mean, to anyone who happened to be a professional investigator of some sort Or someone who had ever read a mystery story before Finally, way to use the word walls THREE TIMES IN ONE SENTENCE Those familiar with the series will not be surprised to learn that Hamilton s tendency to use the same words repeatedly, and even to seemingly cut and paste whole paragraphs from previous books to re use several times in the course of each new volume has not abated even a little She also continues her odd quirk of picking a new phrase that everyone in each book suddenly decides to use all the time, in all sorts of situations, and then never use again in subsequent books In this edition, that phrase is ass deep in alligators People cannot stop talking about the damn alligators and their relative proximity to the gluteus maximi of everyone involved Enjoy it while you can in the next book no one will have ever heard of alligators Also, you will find this paragraph, worded almost exactly the same way, in at least two different parts of the book His face already held that darkness, that surety that most men s eyes get at some point when the clothes are coming off and the sex is happening It s not exactly possessive, but yet it is, but it is predatory It wasn t a shapeshifter look, or a vampire look, it was a male look Maybe women had their own version, but I rarely saw my own face in a mirror during sex, and I had only one other woman to compare to, and she didn t have a look like this one Also, lest we forget Gods, he said, I d forgotten how tight you stay even wet I don t think we ve fully explored the question of whether Anita s vampire marks come with a side effect of Iron Snatch There can be no other explanation On the subject of the vampire marks, though, we do get this We d finally figured out it was Jean Claude s vampire marks that kept me from being able to shapeshift for real Modern lycanthropy wasn t contagious to vampires, and I was just too close to being a vampire thanks to his marks, and my own necromancy Ancient strain lycanthropy had been contagious to the undead What theone of the longest standing, enduring, unexplained things in the Anita verse, and that s ALL the explanation we get for it Three sentences Nothing about how we learned this, or from whom Maybe I missed something in one of the past books, but really, it seems unlike Hamilton not to drive a point like that home with repeated paragraphs for several books in a row It seems like she got tired of trying to think of an explanation for why Anita was like this, and decided just to throw this paragraph out there to get rid of it She needs the space to cut and paste identical sex scenes and comments about how tight and wet Anita is AT ALL TIMES, dammit In further news of writerly laziness, it is determined that maybe Asher should go be the master of a new city, because he is a big pissy baby and everyone is sick of him What new city, you ask A new city One that is new Asher and his New City are mentioned forty eleven time, and the place is never named, although it is clear they are referring to a specific place and not just somewhere else For the love ofjust THROW A DART AT A MAP if it is so hard to decide where to put him Topeka Ypsilanti Boca Raton Just pick one It doesn t matter, except in the way that it draws the reader s attention to the fact that you can t be bothered to put any effort into your writing any Finally, just for the pure WTF ery of it, I present the following statement It just giggled me, and I was starting to own the things that made me happy, not because it made sense, or was horribly important, but it was just a happy I have no idea what that means It looks like a sentence that was run through Google Translate a few times, from English to Thai to Flemish to Portuguese to Farsi and back to English again Ladies and gentlemen, the word stylings of Laurell K Hamilton, alleged native English speaker Now I need to go lie down with a cool compress on my brow so that I can forget about all of this nonsense until the next book comes out. I love this series but frankly, please no sex sex sex, in the last few books I fell like I am reading porn, it s not that the book is bad but in book 15 19 I lost a great part of the story simply because i got tired of reading about sex and started skipping pages with it, it seems Anita isn t doing anything besides her many boyfriends.I loved the virginlike Anita of the firs books, not particularly because she was virginlike but because she actualy did things like policework or have friends, now she is either having sex, thinking about sex or killing people.The last book was interesting, hit list drops the constant sex of the other books and does some actual police work the craziness of using a rocket launcher in a car is very Edward like I would like to ask for a less self doubting Anita like in the first books but thats just not gonna hapen is it Please return to the less predicable Anita of her early vampire hunting daysUnfortunately Hit list still manages to introduce a new guy in Anita s life, please stop doing that, enought lovers already do something diferen kill one of them for a change or make one of them screw up so bad that she drops him, I find it almost impossible to believe that among all the people she has only Richard was a jackass it is simply not normalAs for Edward I find the new humanized Edward kind of disturbing, he was beyond awesome in the early books but now I think of him as an actual person, a male Anita only with less lovers, thats just not cool with me.I think that book 20 was a step towards a new Anita Blake, a start in the recreating of the old Anita, now if only they didn t need to keep asking Why, what, how about every damn thing in the book and she could stop whining about her sex life things could realy get better, I mean I get that she was a prude but after or less 10 books of doing it like bunnies with her half a dozen lovers it would be reasonable that she either get over it or start to do something about the damn ardeur, I mean she can now feed on than just sex she can try living another way if she realy has as much trouble with it as she pretends to So here am I waiting for june the sumary is promissing and after 20 books it s not like I am gonna give up on the series but i am realy not hoping for a great improvement in it.If the book can save the old Anita i will have a great and wonderfull surprise, if it can t, well with the way things are going I have had bigger deceptons I honestly don t know why I continue to read this series, it s a complete guilty pleasure no pun intended but always ends up being a disappointment The first few chapters of the book were promising, Anita back in the action doing some police work This is pretty much the highlight of the book, there isnt much conflict elsewhere.I realized I was about 50% through the book and all that happened was Anita was at a crime scene, she came home and had sex.Also by book 21 I dont need to read the description of characters height, hair color, eye color, body shape over and over and over again The series is no longer worth the read and it s not even a guilty pleasure any because there is no pleasure reading these books I have no clue how people are rating this over 3 stars, if you want to read erotica, read real erotica, if you want horror, read real horrorthis series is dead in the water and I hope Anita and her harem of men all get shot in the head with a silver bullet the end it.We need to start sending a message to authors and STOP BUYING TERRIBLE BOOKS Fine you want to write crap, well we re done buying it so you can live a comfy life without putting in the effort to actually create a solid story. I keep hoping this series will go back to its roots and get better again I am so disappointed.I used to love this series so much, now everything feels like a mess with all the lovers, and repetitive with the action plots.It has taken me two very separate tries to actually finish reading this book The first try was back in 2015 when I ended up pausing it out of utter boredom and disinterest Now, in 2018 I restarted the book one time and almost gave up on it once again The first half of this book has no story It s just Anita being an enforcer and doing the same stuff we have seen her doing many times before It is Anita having the same internal monologs and opinions we have heard before It is Anita having the same conversations with her colleagues and vampire detainees that we have witness before There is nothing juicy or remotely interesting, there is nothing about her relationship with her boyfriends, there is no sex There is nothing at all What a joke.Because of this first half I put down the book and classified it as DNF, further, I almost gave up on the whole series In the end, once my anger diminished, I changed my mind and went back to finish it The second half improved for me because we finally enter into relationships territory Personally, I am way interested in that However, it felt repetitive and it does seem like it is getting out of hand It is loosing the intensity it used to have and all originality is gone Despite my disappointment, I will keep reading this series in hopes that it will improve. I have waited a long time for this new installment in Anita Blake series It pains me to say this but it kind of disappointed me a little After having finished reading the book I felt something was missing, it was good but it was only a few steps from being great Perhaps what was missing was plot development, I thought that the whole book was going to be centered on the missing 15 year old girl and on the vampire master, Benjamin, as it was mentioned it the synopsis All though I must admit that the ending almost gave me a heart attack.Most readers complain that there is too much sex in the books and that Anita complains too much about her polyamorous lifestyle I disagree on both of the opinions we have to understand that as the series continues, this is a very complex lifestyle and that Anita and her relationships are developing are constantly changing In this book, there are two major changes Anita has finally come to terms with the relationship she has with Cynric aka Sin although I personally hate the nickname, it doesn t help , and Asher has been in a sense banished from Saint Louis because of his jealousy and his conscious or unconscious determination of making all those around him pay for his insecurities He is constantly hurting others and then asking for forgiveness I say it s about time.Despite being a little disappointed, I m still looking forward to the next book in the series However I think is time to put aside for a while the Anita Blake series, I m looking forward to the next installment in the Meredith Gentry series. When A Fifteen Year Old Girl Is Abducted By Vampires, It S Up To US Marshal Anita Blake To Find Her And When She Does, She S Faced With Something She S Never Seen Before A Terrifyingly Ordinary Group Of People Kids, Grandparents, Soccer Moms All Recently Turned And Willing To Die To Avoid Serving A Master And Where There S One Martyr, There Will Be But Even Vampires Have Monsters That They Re Afraid Of And Anita Is One Of Them You know what I am so sick of this It starts rather promising We even got a new pretty interesting character A new Marshal who is not blinded as all the other cops.But then what Anita goes back to her sweeties hate that word , and it s all sex, insecurities and talking And pointless, endless descriptions I bet that Hamilton has a file with a long description of every character And every time they come to the scene she just puts the description there Every single time We all know how blue eyes J C has We all know what happened to Asher and how he got his scars And how he hides behind his hair We all KNOW that Yet, she always repeats herself And speaking about J C Master of the city No way No one, not only Anita but also some lousy wererats he is paying do not follow his orders And the Anita almost view spoiler kills Nicky hide spoiler UGH I spoke too soon when in my last review for this series I said it seemed like LKH would get past the let s add in a sex scene, just because we can We ll just say it s to feed her ardeur but really it s because I want to write as much kinky stuff reader s note YAAAAAAAAAAAAWN as possible even if there s NO REASON FOR IT in the story I m pretty sure this entire 400 ish page book took place over 2 days BE LESS VERBOSE, FOR GOD S SAKE Cut out all the I m not pretty Anita whinging, and all the you don t love ME enough whinging from her fuckbuddies, and kill Asher off entirely Honestly, I can t even keep track of this ridiculous cast of characters any She s sleeping with what, 25 people now And I don t care about than 5 of them And it seems LKH only brings them in to cycle through them in sex scenes Blech I think this book finally broke me I m done with Anita Hopefully LKH doesn t destroy Merry Gentry too Seriously, where are her editors in all this Someone needs to rein her in since she obviously can t express control by herself These books have turned into her outwardly expressed masturbatory fantasies and little else. When a fifteen year old girl is abducted by vampires, it s up to U.S Marshal Anita Blake to find her And when she does, she s faced with something she s never seen before a terrifyingly ordinary group of people kids, grandparents, soccer moms all recently turned and willing to die to avoid serving a master And where there s one martyr, there will be But even vampires have monsters that they re afraid of And Anita is one of them With the Mother of All Darkness gone, sucked down the drain like a swirly, Laurell Hamilton is now struggling to find a story arc for this series, something to pad out the pages of her fantasy life between the sexual olympics Before anyone gets too excited about the outline, remember what series this is and who s writing it And re read that blurb it takes just about that long to resolve this scenario the first 7 out of the 50 chapters And once it s done, you already know what comes next This book can be broken down into three categories Plot, Sex, Wangst Believe it or not, Plot wins A basic page count breakdown goes like this Plot 46%, Actual Sex 13%, Wangst 41% But as the majority of the wangst relates to sex, you could well say that it makes for over half the book Because of that the story can t help but crash and burn, but not exactly for the reasons you d think, and it actually has a few redeeming features Potential Spoiler Alerts The Good It s Old Home Week as several long time friends finally make their return Dolph, Zerbrowski, Larry Kirkland yes, Virginia RPIT s back And there s actually flashes of a story and some interesting plotlines dropped in here like bread crumbs Alas Hamilton herself is both the bird who s scooping them up and the child lost in the woods as a result She drops these nuggets in for the sole purpose of filling pages and never takes the time and effort to develop the myriad and possibly intriguing threads she could weave into the series All save one someone very important is on the verge of a career change But why not follow these other threads and see what manner of tapestry they may form Why, you ask The Bad Because then the book couldn t be dominated by you guessed it SEX While the amount of time spent on getting busy is by comparison, greatly diminished, it continues to dominate the story Everything not directly related to the main plotline about the unbound vampires is focused upon having sex, talking about sex, who s not having sex with whom, who should not be having sex with whomHamilton has always berated detractors of the ridiculous sexual politics in the series with a tired, trite analogy that it would be alright if a man did it Well, let me ask you if a 30 year old man not only had a bevy of beauties whom he kept leashed to him via his mighty Staff of Power but deflowered a 16 year old girl, becomes her legal guardian and continues to have sex with her even though she s still a minor in HS, often after PTA meetings would that be alright with you because it was a man doing it So how do you justify Anita s relationship with Cynric Hamilton bends over backwards trying to and fails miserably by giving readers chapter after grimy chapter of Anita struggling with the idea of it all only to have Cynric decide the issue by telling her not to attend the PTA meetings Oh, ok then that makes everything all better having the adult defer to the wisdom of their jailbait lover Now imagine that between a grown man and a cheerleader still good for you And this is the conflict that fuels most of the wangsting Anita does.There s also some drama with Asher that leads to an interesting development and a pathetically comic one Asher starts a fight, slightly injuring Anita in the process and the only concern about Anita s health afterwards is that she won t be able to give anyone oral sex for a while Even worse is a sex scene between Mephistopheles and Anita the aftermath of which is just plain nasty, and not in a good way I can only imagine that this was included as a middle finger to give all you vanilla sex missionary position prudey prudes to hate on, because it was beyond tasteless Which brings us toTeh Stoopid Where do I begin How about at the beginning first off, turns out the preview chapter offered up in the Beauty ebook wasn t even a full chapter only about 2 3rd of it Nice way to promote a novel by ripping off your fans before it comes out Cops aren t allowed to have holy items in the room when interrogating vamps because of some dopey law mainly because Hamilton couldn t come up with anything better than this stupidity , then Anita goes to a hostage scene in hoochie wear, not only not bothering to change into protective gear along the way but only doing so AFTER the crisis is resolved because of some dopey law see previous statement And for the record, can we ever be shown any of the events that lead up to these laws being made instead of them just being contrivances to prop up the lack of imagination in this series I guess I answered my own question, huh Dolph s been to the same lobotomist Richard went to in Bullet now he s just as cool with the whole Vampires are People, Too groove as Richard now is with passing Anita around like a party favor Dolph resolved his years of hostility in one retroactive paragraph And Larry Kirkland friend and prot g suddenly turns into a Hater as well, but also gets replaced just as quickly How s that for characters growing and developing Then we get one of the single worst passages you ll ever read An angry cop tries to take a swing at some vampires that have been arrested Anita intervenes and ends up feeding off his anger sipping it through the muscled bunch of his arm swallowing the thick, red fire of his rage smelled his blood beating just beneath the bitter sweetness of his anger, so that he was like a piece of cupcake with dark, bittersweet icing that could be licked away, to the warm, moist cake and then the hot, liquid center where the sweetest, thickest chocolate lay waiting like some hidden treasure that would make the anger even tastier Thanks for ruining Tastycakes for me, Laurell.Oh, and why don t these vampires want to bind themselves to Jean Claude and, by proxy his doxy, Anita What great, soul crushing evil has JC perpetrated against these newbie vamps Being a Master of the City, JC draws power from the lesser creatures to heal his people, so much so that wait for it they can t even grow their hair long, while he can grow his out.Nope, not kidding Not even a little.Indeed, JC s been doing this precisely because Anita likes his hair long It s as if the entire premise of this book is based upon none of these vampires ever having seen Troy Polamalu in a Head Shoulders commercial Or maybe they did and that s what set them off.And where would we be without Anita complaining about being under suspicion for her relationships with paranormals Well, in light of this new development of unsupervised vampires running loose in the city, what does Anita do Why, she knowingly compromises the investigation by telling JC, of course never mind that this is EXACTLY the kind of thing everyone s concerned about with her the sweeties may be in trouble, and that s all that matters Later in the book when a couple of investigators come and talk to her, she conveniently forgets she s done this and twists the conversation into being all about her zexxy life, which makes them jealous whiner babies If they weren t such Keystone Kops and let her get away with it, this coulda been something And speaking of her paranormal relationships, Hamilton also trots out the Hater Brigade you know, all them skanks what can t get their own menz so keep pushing up on Anita s guyz You d think even Hamilton would get tired of this crud by now, but hey they re her fantasies.Get this once RPIT locates the nests of the rogue vampires it s agreed to go in at dawn after they re asleep to take them out Easy and simple enough, right But there s a crisis for Anita to resolve, after which she goes home to get it on with Nate and Micah, and doesn t get the call to go out until when Two hours before sunset and no, no one else has staked a single vampire anywhere yet So what happened to getting to the vampires at dawn, or right after lunch Stop asking, because it ain t explained.Before I forget, the master vampire mentioned in the first chapter, Benjamin He operates via his human servant, Weiskopf, and damn if this ain t one of the most god awful, dip stickiest, incompetent and wimpiest Master Servant combos you ll ever see Because that s what it takes in Anita land villains dumber than vampire hunters too stupid to kill vampires at high noon.Enough already Hamilton s lost her fershluggin mind If there was any doubt that this series is now only about sex, this book will remove it It ll also remove your desire to continue reading it any.